Consider yourself warned.
Some people are very comfortable talking about all things bodily. You’ll barely meet them and within a few minutes you’ll know their whole gastrointestinal history. Or you’ll know about that thing that just appeared out of nowhere on their nether regions. Or any myriad other things that you wished you hadn’t just heard. Yeah. You’re going to wish that here in a few seconds. Because, though I HATE talking about ALL things bodily, you’re about to know me in a way neither you nor I ever thought would happen.
My sister Beth always tells me that I have a charmed life. Well, I do. SO charmed, in fact, that last week I got to have a colonoscopy! Can you believe what luck? The gods were smiling down on me when that decision was made. After all, not everyone gets to go in for a colonoscopy just weeks before her 38th birthday! What a treat! Rick couldn’t go in with me to take a pictures, but it looked something like this:
For undisclosed reasons, I had a visit to the ER almost two weeks ago. The doctor there couldn't figure out what was going on with me, so he referred me to a gastroenterologist. I contacted that office and, after hearing my family history, they thought it necessary for me to come on in and get checked out.
Not sure how many of you have had the pleasure, but prepping for a colonoscopy is a little intense. To give you an idea, it involves a liquid diet and this:
Anything that has "lax" as part of it's name always makes me uncomfortable. When we were buying these things, I thought I'd make some fake conversation with Rick about "Well, this should help Grandma feel better." Or something, to make sure that everyone around us knew that we weren't buying it for ourselves. Because, after all, what young, vibrant person would need a pack of Dulcolax and two bottles of Miralax??
When it was time to begin the prep, we mixed our Gatorade and Miralax, and followed the instructions to guzzle down the first batch within an hour. A normal dose of Miralax, I discovered, is 17g PER DAY. We took 238g over the course of twelve hours. I won't go into the details of what ensued for both Rick and me, because I'm sure you can imagine. Suffice it to say that if I ever want to lose several pounds in a very short time, I now know what path to take.
This past Tuesday was the big day. Though I was super nervous, embarrassed, grossed out, you name it, the procedure wasn't super terrible. Don't get me wrong. It wasn't enjoyable. And I have no plans of becoming a colonoscopy hobbyist, but if you find yourself in a situation where you have to get it done, you'll be okay. Especially if you're blessed to have the kind of support that I did. Rick was right there with me, drinking broth when he could've been enjoying a steak sandwich. Drinking his Miralax and Gatorade when he could've been having a delicious milkshake. On the other side of the wall in the other bathroom, when he could've been...basically anywhere else would've been more enjoyable, I'm sure.
No one was able to tell me what the problem was. But the doctor did tell me that I'm healthy and don't have to be seen again for eight years--which is nice because as supportive as Rick is, I don't think either of us is ready for another prep.